hold your colour

2008/07/15
WHY ME
i think now...is a very difficult time for me mental wise

career wise its quite... going good so im happy in the direction that its going

but then.... i think you cant always have both

i realised recently i did interviews very bitterly and ive been quite agressive or depressed

and i feel like kind of regret my attitude but i hope you guys understand why im so angry and upset

is because i recently god this food allergy, i cant eat beef,meat,shrimp,tuna, fat fish stuff...

orelse i cant sleep at night n i get so itchy

i feel so mad because i finally recently started to take care of my health (doing yoga...meditation)

and i was finally at peace and now allgery????

and what did i fucking do? i never eat so much junk food, i dont drink like an alcoholic, i dont do drugs,

i dont party im so quiet and i dont starve myself, and why

i already am so picky about food and why delete so much meat menu from my life?

and i hate beans + peanut +tofu stuff so i hate vegan food

and i also dont eat fried/stemed vegetables so....

also i dont eat a salad unless im convinced it is very fresh (or unless i wash it myself) without salad dressing,

i hate maynoise and oily salad dressing, i hate cheese (lactose intolerent) , i hate milk, i naturally HATE FRIED FOOD

the only thing i kinda liked was fried chicken and no more that too,

i HATE VEGAN FOOD i think it tastes like CRAP no matter what

WHAT DO I EAT ! IM SO HUNGRY!

....

i want to cry cos im so hungry and i cant eat anything nice and fullfilling

any menu suggestion?



what am i suppose to do, be a skinny fascist?????

posted by DAULMONSTER at 8:54 AM
____________________________________________________________________________


at the risk of sounding cliched, i can really identify with her feelings. WHY ME? everytime something small gets in my way i get so upset. life is definitely generally good. like daul, a model, everything seems to be food for her. life is good for her. she's not short of anything but she's so upset over an allergy to meat. and i can understand where she is coming from. its the little things that get to you. its not because i always want everything my way, but these small things just add up until every small bad thing that happens makes me think 'why ME?'. do i deserve all this? what the fuck did i do? maybe i do deserve it because i am a bitch. im a grouchy depressed bitch. but i don't want to be a grouchy depressed bitch. i don't want. why me..........

isn't it disappointing when year after year your birthday falls during exams?